The Truth Is

The truth is I really don't really want to write this post, but I need to. I really dislike talking or sharing anything truly personal on my blog. Please bear with me.

The truth is depression sucks. I hate when it hits hard. I hate that I don't want to talk about it with anyone. Just slap on a mask and call it a day. Smile when you really don't care. Go through the motions of being a functional human being, when really you could give a fuck less. What really sucks about it is when it hits around the holidays. You really don't want to be around people, but what are you forced to do, be around people! You become upset and annoyed. Then you hate yourself because you feel guilty for hating your family. So you hang out with them again. And circle just keeps going and going!

Now, most people talk about depression and how much it sucks. I will never dispute that fact. It does. What people really don't talk about is the clean up. I could come out of my episodes a lot sooner if not for the clean up. 

Clean up? What are you talking about? 

When depression strikes and the person looks out into darkness; dishes don't get washed, laundry won't get done, housework piles up and bills may or may not get paid. Let's be truthful, who cares when you're depressed? You try to break the cycle, but then you look out at all that needs to get done, it becomes too much. The cycle starts over again. Its too much of a hassle. You just don't have the energy and because of the depression, you don't ask for help. Mainly, because the disease tells you no one cares so they won't help you anyway.

The truth is, they do.

The truth is, as much as we talk about mental health, we do little to help those who suffer from it. 

The truth is, we don't know how.

The truth is, I suffer from anxiety & depression. I will try my best to be more open with my feelings. I will try ask for help more often. This is my promise to myself so the cycle will end.