The Label I Was Given

That label was FAT. It wasn't recently. It started in kindergarten, but that was given to me by my peers. By the time I was in third grade, I went from a Christian school to a public school. The public school put me in a group called 'WOW', which stood for Watch Our Weight. At that time, I didn't think I was that fat. I was 8. I played outside all the time with my neighbors. I didn't think of anything about my body. Now my fate was sealed, I was fat.

After a few sessions, I no longer played outside the way I used to. I stayed inside, watched TV, & became a closet eater. By the time I got to junior high, I was 5'8, a 130 lbs, & size 12. Still not really all that fat, just slightly above average.

Junior high is an awful place, all your insecurities get worse. I know mine did. I started getting teased for everything and anything. So I stopped engaging with people. Not entirely, just became more introverted. I learned than that people are out to hurt you.

Then came high school, since I gave up already I didn't lose any of the weight during the summer. I probably gained, because I stopped swimming because of the looks I got at the pool. I just went through the motions of high school. I tried to engage more, but not everyone matures at the same rate. By the time I left high school, I was 5'10, 196 lbs, & wore a size 16.

The heaviest I was 258 lbs & a size 22. That was about 2 years ago. Then I got a bad pain in my abdominal area. I went to the doctor, got tested & scanned. The scans revealed that I had diverticulitis. Which means I ruined my digestive tract by my diet. The only way to heal it is to be nicer to my body. There are a list of things I can't eat in a large quantity, because it slows the healing process & puts me in pain for days.

But because of it, I have I started eating better. I'm still not great at it, I have a lot retraining to do. I have a problem with portion control & exercise. But I have lost 25 lbs so far and with the support I'm getting from friends, I believe I will get healthier.

I'm not saying that I'm a victim, because that's not my way. I just wanted to show you a glimpse of what happens with the seeds we plant into children's minds. They're oblivious to most things. They don't know the differences until you plant them into their heads.

How Do You See You?

Here's why I ask. I watched an episode of 'What Not To Wear' & the lady getting the makeover was a lesbian that came out in the 80's. So in her mind, she couldn't wear dresses or make up. So for years, she didn't. She gave up a part of her identity for fit what she thought she had to be.

Through the time she was with Clinton & Stacy, she found out she could add feminine elements into her wardrobe without looking like pageant contestant. She was ecstatic that she could merge the hard biker side with her softer mommy side & still be true to herself.

So, I started thinking about other 'groups' that do this. You have people of different races that believe they have to act or dress a certain way or they betray their race, but betray who they are inside. Same thing with political & religious groups.

WHY?

I believe this is the reason why so many people are so unhappy. Why young people hurt or in extreme events, commit suicide. People are told they have to fit in this little box or they are betrayers, disloyal, unfaithful, and wrong.

I see myself as Jennie. This is how I self-identify. If you want more than that, I also see myself as colorful, funny, caring, loving, messy, emotional, awesome friend & aunt.

So I ask you again, how do you see you?