Dear Dad,

I don't know if you'll ever fully understand how much you're hurt me over the years.

Growing up, you made me fell uncomfortable about being a girl. You were obsessed with my breasts before they even developed. After they did, I had to stop wearing anything somewhat tight, tank tops, and anything lower than a crew neck. To this day, if I know you and I will be in the same place, I won't wear anything that might draw attention to them. It took me a few years after I moved out to start wearing more feminine clothing. I wish you knew how to draw a line of whose boobs are okay to look at. Mine, my friends, your granddaughters, and their friends fall into this category.

I still have trouble allowing people, especially men, to get close to me. Your violent mood swings scared the crap out of me. Now they just piss me off!  I was proud of my brothers when they stood up to you. To this day, I wish I would have told earlier about the times you hit me. I was a little girl! I was crying and cowering on the floor. Did you really have to hit me that hard?

Your mind games are probably what hurts most of all. You made me feel worthless. I believed for years I was dumb, ugly, and that no one would ever truly love me. You were angry with me once and caused my own brother not to talk to me. Why would you do that? Last year, at the reunion, the day before your birthday, I tried talking to you. I even said, "Happy Birthday! If I knew you were going to be here, I would have brought your card." You turned your back on me. An hour later, I tried again to talk to you. You ignored me. After you left, my cousin told me you told her that I hated you. I reached out, and you swatted it away. That really hurt!!

Because of your actions, I had hard time (and still somewhat do) understanding God's love for me. He loves me unconditionally. He created me and wants great things for me. Every day, I learn something new and grow closer to Him. 

I'm working on forgiving you. Not for you, but for me. It is a process. Just know that because I forgive you doesn't mean I will forget. Nor does it mean I want a close relationship with you. Maybe one day I will, but there are no guarantees.

Your daughter

A Mind Conflicted

As long as I can remember, I have mocked those who throw tantrums or are overly sensitive in life, the lovely, whiny, thin skinned ones that walk amongst us. That make for such easy targets because you know you'll get a reaction out of them with very little effort on your part. I always saw myself as a bully bully, someone who bullies bullies. For some reason, it fills me with glee. One word, one action can throw these people into such a tizzy that you just want to do it for the cheap entertainment of it.

When Charlie Hebdo was attacked by Muslim assailants a few weeks ago, a barrage of Mohammed drawings hit social media. Which I applaud in a way. I applaud it because I don't believe in living in fear. I got caught up in the mocking, because like I stated earlier, it's what I do when someone throws a tantrum. Didn't think twice until I made a t-shirt online. One of my twitter friends said he wanted a shirt that uttered the words "My other toilet paper is the Qu'ran." I told I kinda wanted to make it for him.

This is the shirt.

Even while I made the shirt, it didn't feel right. I sent my friend the picture over twitter and didn't think of it for the rest of the day. The next day, my mentions blew up. While I don't think  my friend is religious, I am. I started thinking about how I would feel if someone wore the same shirt with the Bible on it instead. How hurt and upset I would be. The difference would be is even though I'm hurt and they made fun of what I believe in, I'm not going to kill them. Nor will I put a contract out on their life or send people to terrorize them.

I'm also convicted by the teachings I was raised in. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." How am I bringing glory to God if I'm mocking another's religion and their holy book in that way?

So, what I'm deciding as of now, I need to step back. I want people to see Jesus through me. That can't happen if I'm openly ridiculing other religions and beliefs. Will it stop completely? No. Let's be serious. I'm human, plus I love a great joke.

Relationship Worthy

A short time ago, my friend posted the following picture on Facebook.

At first, I jut pushed the 'like' button. An hour later, one of her male friends made a comment. It's a saying I've heard WAY too many times and so I fought back. The comment was this, "Well, you wouldn't buy a car without giving it a test drive first." So, now I'm a car?!

What if during the 'test drive', I'm not feeling confident or just having other issues that makes the sex not so great, are you going to dump me because it didn't pass your test? That's it? No room for communication? No learning curve? No room for intimate growth? 

How immature of thought is that to go into a relationship with? Here's the truth about relationships, yes, sex is a factor, but it's not the biggest one. There will be times where you and your significant won't have sex sometimes for weeks, if not longer. You need to have a friendship there. It's a different level of intimacy that is needed when the boudoir is cold.

Personally, I know I'm huge cuddle monster. I can sometimes be hilarious. Other times, I'm serious like a heart attack. I have my blonde moments and my pure out of the blue genius moments. 

I am a human. I am more than a sexual object. I am worth more than a 'test drive' to see if a relationship will be worth it.  So is everyone else. Think twice when you use language like this.

Going After a Killer

The killer: Cancer

I'm braving a chilly October morning to do a 5k to fight cancer and I need your help. I'm asking for donations. My goal this year is $500 between online and cash contributions. 

Shirt I made up a few years ago.

FAQ's:
What charity are you raising money for?
American Cancer Society

Why do you do the walk for ACS?
To raise money for the Hope Lodges. 

What is a Hope Lodge?
Hope Lodges are set up near hospitals so patients from out of town can stay there for free while getting treatment. Saving the patients and their families stress and money.

Do you have personal reasons to walk?
I've had family and friends die from various forms of cancer. I've also had ones that were able to beat it! I want to help more people defeat this ugly disease. 

In the past you have incentives in place to raise money. Are you doing that again this year?
In a way. My plan this year is to wear a knee length tutu. If you donate and would like me to walk in honor or in memory of someone, I will write their name on my tutu in sparkly paint.


My online fundraising page is here. Please donate. Even if it's only a $1! Every dollar counts. If you can't donate, please share this post.

Thank you!!

I'm Calling Out Christians

Why am I calling some Christians? The easy answer, because it needs to be done. Who am I? I'm not a pastor or a theologian, just another soul hungry for the truth and grace along this journey.

Earlier this summer, I attended an art festival. One of the performing groups was a gay man chorus. 10 minutes before, during, and 10 minutes after their performance, there was a man standing about 15 feet away from the stage wearing a 'Fear God' vest and holding a sign letting the choir know that they are going to Hell. I approach this gentleman and asked, "Do you believe this is the best way to your message across?" His response, without even looking at me, "Yep." Can't leave now, so I asked, "Do you think this is the best way to show Jesus' love?" Once again, not looking at me, he replied, "Yep."

This past weekend in Ohio, there was a topless protest between a strip club and a church. 


Back story on this protest, a few years ago, the church protested the club. Carried signs and yelled at the workers and patrons of the club. Through a third party, the two entities did come to a truce. It lasted a few weeks. The church went back to attacking the women. During the truce, some of the women came to know Jesus, but because they didn't have another job to rely on or go to, they continued stripping. As one dancer said, "My heart belongs to Jesus, but my body belongs to the Foxhole."

In the news clip, you'll notice a blonde church member confront a woman from the crowd. She told her "You don't know love. You only know lust." She judged the lady without knowing a thing about her. The black haired lady runs a ministry that helps women get out of the sex industry. The way she does it is by developing friendships, finding them housing, and helping the women get an education so they can get another job. Obviously, she knows nothing about love. Or sacrifice. Or compassion.

Yesterday, a comedic genius, Robin Williams, died. He fought the demons of depression and addiction for decades. I am deeply saddened that he couldn't defeat them, but he did give them a hell of a fight! That being said, I became upset that shortly after the world found out about his passing, I saw some church leaders say on their Facebook pages that Mr. Williams was not at rest because he didn't know God. Which I found weird. How do they know? Did they know other people's hearts?

I don't want to condemn as much as I want to challenge each other. As Christians, we can't judge non-believers by the standards of believers. If we are to call ourselves Christians, it means are 'Little Christs' or 'Christ-like'. Jesus treated those around him with respect, love, and mercy. Jesus told us to love one another. God said to keep the judging to Him. 

Truth be told, if I didn't know Christ myself and this was the only Christians I encountered or heard, I would never darken the door of a church. We are called to love. With love, comes joy. Joy becomes a beacon to those who are lost. Basically, I'm challenging everyone to get some perspective when encountering others. Instead of hitting people down with words or actions, why not lift them up? 

I'm posting two music videos. Please watch and listen to words. Meditate on them for a while. 





**Author's note: Yes I too am guilty of judging others harshly. It is something that I am working on. I am challenging other Christians to do the same so others may see Jesus in us.**

Single in my 30's

For the last few years, I've had the same two question asked of me ad nauseam. "Why are you single?" & "When are you getting married?" Here are my answers: Because I don't date & probably never because I don't date.

Now you're probably wondering why I don't date. It's not for religious reasons or anything like that. The people in my life have told me my whole life: 

• I'm only pretty when I'm blonde
• I have a big nose
• My boobs are too small
• I have a sumo wrestler size ass
• I have thunder thighs
• I'm an ungrateful bitch
• I can't cook
• I can't clean
• When I cry, I'm a drama queen
• When I laugh, I'm too loud
• I'm a whore (although, never had sex)
• fat
• lazy
• stupid (with an IQ of 136)

If these are true, then what do I have to offer in a relationship?

If these are false, then why would I want to subject myself to more abuse?

I have just found it easier to stay to myself and remain single. Now you all know the answers to the questions.

Updated Unofficial Snark Factor Drinking Game

Why just listen to the most professional internet radio ever, when you can drink along?
Rules are simple. For everything listed, take a drink. 

Snark Factor Drinking Game:

• Someone says 'I saw ______ open for_______'
• Someone from the chat gets mentioned on air (2 drinks if its you)
• Fingers says 'for the love of God' or 'that's uncalled for'
• Duke giggles/laughs so hard he can't breathe
• It's mentioned that Amy Miller left Michigan with her middle finger in the air
• Almond Milk
• A reference to Bob Crane, Raymond Burr, or Fatty Arbuckle
• The Meijer Clinic
• News babe told to look up something from the host's childhood
• Ask Jeeves or MySpace reference
• News babe/Host/Co-host/Guest cancelled
• Someone interrupts before introductions are done
• Duke's Commodore 64 crashes

Those are just what I can think of at this time. If I missed anything, please add it in the comment section below. 
Drink responsibly. 

The Snark Factor can be heard Mon - Thurs 8 pm EST on the mighty FTR Radio.